Jose Mourinho has been reported as being in “total shock”
that his usual pre-season wind up antics have been received with a collective
shrug from the football fans of England.
The Chelsea boss – and notorious winder upper – has taken
great pride in getting under the skin of his fellow head coaches and usually
really starts to get in his stride about this time of year. But due to everyone
being really fucking bored of his usual shit his barbs have not seemed to have
had their normal effect.
“In seasons past it used to really get on my tits how
Mourinho could wind up everyone associated with this great club” said Dave Shitbird,
a Liverpool fan with seemingly no idea of what ‘great’ means.
Even Arsene Wenger, a long time target for Mourinho’s taunts
was reported as saying: “Honestly, I don’t give a flying fuck what that jumped
up little translator has to say. Playas gonna hate.”
Jose Mourinho was unavailable for comment but was probably
crying himself to sleep on a bed of money.
